living in paradise!

It is so cool to look back and see how God moves! I had no idea what to expect for our 3 weeks of travel up north, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed at the exact time I needed it. The first week was spent living in an aborginal community on a quiet beach. In the mornings we had our normal lectures and in the afternoon we hung out with the pastor, learning different things about their culture (I made my first ever spear-but it didn’t really fly straight ha). The cool thing was though-our lectures this week, in the most beautiful spot ever, was on dreams, identity and pursuing God’s purposes-exactly what I left Melbourne fearing and praying about. And that fear of not wanting to dream because I viewed God has a mean dad was slowly remolded ( and still being remolded). And at the end of the week when I looked back over the last 3 weeks of lectures etc-I was able to see how God had used different speakers and friends in my life to lead me to where I was most receptive of what He wants to show me -which is His beauty and His love.

There could have been no other plan more wonderfully orchestrated in my eyes-it was the week I had been praying about for several months. Just a time of enjoying God-it has been really hard for me to do that with such a skewed view of Who He is. But surrounded constantly by His physical beauty in this community on the beach helped me step through that wall more than I had before. I don’t think I’m through the whole way, but I’ve broken through some hard bricks.

one of the really cool things was this lighthouse on a hill. It had been reminding me all week of the verse about God being a light unto our path, especially since we were talking about our God-given purposes etc. and one morning as I was running down from it, God showed me this cool picture----on the way down there was little steps and large steps and then a lot of fallen palm branches on the path and as I made my way down, God showed me that He will continue to show me the part of my path I need for now, but he wants to get the debrie and broken stuff out of my life first and will gently lead me to take small steps of faith which will lead to bigger steps of faith. And for me, the steps may not all fit together in my eyes, but once as I continue to travel down HIS path, it will become clearer to the beautiful picture He has in mind-which at this point was me running out onto the empty beach!....all i could do was stop and take it all in....

holy spirit week

Thumbs up:

Got to hear from a guy who helped pioneer the YWAM base in Melbourne where I am living. Had some cool ministry times with him, praying for us and really encouraging us in our individual journeys.

Thumbs down:

Realized I was living in fear of having dreams and goals for the future. I had spent the week really praying about some things I felt God had placed on my heart for the future but in the end was still not really finding any clarity about any of it. And oddly enough, a friend approached me the next week asking if we could sit down and talk because he felt like God really just wanted him to encourage me with something. So through our conversation, he began asking about what my dreams and aspirations were for the future, and more I thought about it, the more I began to realize I was not fully trusting God with my future- at all!. It hit me that I wasn’t allowing myself to dream about anything because I have a fear that whatever I dream about or desire, God will want to snatch away from me, because if it is what ‘I want‘, than it must not be what ‘He wants‘.

I’m not quite sure why I have had this skewed view of God as an angry dad wanting to take away all toys and forms of pleasure for His children-but I understand a little bit more why learning about the Father HEART of God has been such a process and journey for me through this DTS. I want to know and experience the Fathers love like it truly is-not live in fear of what I think it to be. I have been saying it with my mouth, but still not truly believing it with my heart that our God is a good God, a loving father who wants to work with His children. So the week was good but humbling and gave me a good, tear-wrenching heart check! But, I’m thankful that God is a God of Love & Mercy and doesn’t’ give up on us when we don’t quite believe in His goodness.

And moreover, I’m so thankful that my friend was obedient to stepping out in faith and approaching me about it all. He had no idea why God told him to talk to me-but he did it anyways, and for that I am truly grateful and also encouraged to live a life of faith more often. you never know what life you can impact if you obey God’s leading.

camp and such

We've enjoyed a week back on base-time flying as usual. Camp was an interesting experience but still good. We stayed a catholic school and spent a week ministering to about 30 kids from southern Australia. As a past FCA camp counsellor, it was cool to see how different a camp can be run but how the same God in the US in the same awesome God here who desires to reach young people. The australian youth were so passionate and ready to just go for it. On the first day they learned about hearing the voice of God and I was completely blown away as 14 yr olds were stepping out in faith and sharing words for us leaders. For one exercise, we all picked a name out of the hat and w/o looking at began to pray and ask for an encouraging word to share with that person. i figured they would be skeptical and freaked out by this idea, b/c i defitely was when my DTS had to try it but I was so encouraged to see them step out in boldness. And later on in the week, God used that same 14 yr old to minister to me and pray for me with some of the stuff i had been struggling with. and it all just strengthened my faith to know that God does choose and desire to use all of us, no matter what the age or ability.



another cool thing from camp was having the chance to hang out with another YWAM base. The peopl in charge of the camp were involved in dance and singing ministries and shared a lot about passions and God putting certain desires in our heart for a reason. I was really encouraged as they shared about the journey God put them on to where they are now, serving God and loving what they do, and where He is calling them as a band. This area of my life-future and passions- has been on my heart a lot lately as i contemplate what God's will for me after this all. and I was able to talk and pray with these girls, and one of them shared with me the story of moses in exodus where God asks him "what is in your hand" and it was a staff and how God told moses to throw the staff down and it turned into a snake etc. And she just felt God was asking me "what tool is in your hand for me to use?"....So I'm still praying about it all-I believe God is def. leading me into some form of minsitry with soccer, but the specifics are yet to be discovered :)...



I may not have a spotlight on my path, but we were never promised that. We were promised a "light unto your path", so I'm praying that I can trust in the little light that He is streaming! And I'm excited as I'm seeing more and more just how much our un-boring our God is. :) what fun would it be if He gave us all direction and insight all at once?

my friend gave an interesting analogy on this-- on our way to camp, we drove along the "great ocean road" which sounthern australia is known for. we could have driven straight to camp in 5 hrs, but instead we took a longer, 10hr route to enjoy God's wonderful creation. and my friend encouraged us that you gotta enjoy the journeys God puts us all on. If we take the short-cuts, we miss out on the beauty of the journey, the experiences God gives us.

So I'm pluggin away! :)
ephesians 2:10-great reminder to us all of God's plan for our lives!

intimacy

The past 3 weeks have been quite crazy emotionally, spiritually and physically.

I think the biggest thing to sum up the 3 weeks is the need for intimacy with Christ first and foremost. I feel like I have hit that "burnout" point of trying so hard to apply everything from lectures to my life, reflecting on what God is doing and teaching and change habits and start new disciplines etc etc....I'm tired and worn out. But something that really kept hitting me hard last week when talking about missions is God's desire to just be with us. We spent a lot of time looking at the gospels and studying how Jesus and his disciples lived. He spent three years just building relationship with his team of society misfits and dropouts. He hung out with them, He taught them and he revealed amazing insights to them, all in preparation for them to "go" and as our speaker put it, "bleed for the nations". He so impacted them, that they would do anything to see Him return...and it was a powerful testimony that we too, are called before we "go" to spend time with Jesus, build intimacy so we are compelled to "go" instead of going out of obligation or duty.

I have also been challenged and encouraged the past few weeks just in boldness. I find it funny (somewhat) how the devil tries to discourage you in one area and God just opens multiple doors for you to try again. A few weeks ago we talked about "the kingdom of God" and about what it means to bring God's kingdom down to earth and what that looked like for Jesus and his Disciples. We heard some crazy stories of people rising from the dead and healings etc and were really rocked in our thinking about the power of the holy spirit living in us and our role here on earth to see healing on all levels take place. so, at the end of the week, we were sent on a "Treasure hunt" in melbourne city to try and reach out to people. I was pretty excited and felt pretty optimistic about talking to people, but I didn't feel my group stepped out too much. We did get to talk to a few people and prayed for them, but I personally felt like I kept walking past opportunities b/c i was too afraid to freak someone out if i approached them. and it was hard not to compare and feel discouraged about my lack of boldness when we heard all the other groups talk about the great conversations they were able to have with people etc etc. And Unfortunately, I dwelled on this a little too much, but praise God, I am surrounded by encouraging and wise people, and a God who doesn't give up on us. He continued to speak to my heart and encourage me that He just wants to spend time with me, and the boldness in my weaker areas will come.....

And boldness comes in different forms, as He went on to affirm later in the week as I was given the chance to lead out in a prayer intercession time for one of our leaders. It was unlike any other prayer meeting I had ever been to, and as a DTS student and someone not used to all the warfare going on, I wasn't sure I was the right person for the job. But when the bible says the spirit will intercede for us when we dont' know what to pray-IT SPEAKS THE TRUTH! :) So, all I can really say is, God is good and He continues to use us amidst our inadequacies no matter how big or small.

so, if nothing else, the past few weeks have really challenged me to just keep my face in the word and let God show me new things about Himself, His love and plan for my life instead of me "trying" so hard. He and his disciples led some crazy lives and what's even crazier is how he left the same mandate for us in 2010. But above all, He promises to be with us every step of the way, and through every mistake or opportunity we miss, He is offering us a hand to stand and continue on.

universal languages

We had the privilege this week to hear from a Fijian islander, Wonqa, about the bible. He has incredible heart for people and was a great example of Wycliffe's slogan, "Do life with People". He not only shared his passion for getting in the word with us in the classroom, he made the effort to hang out with us during the week as well. For one night, he took us to Mcdonalds to read through the book of acts-at first I thought we were just trying to switch up the location of classes, but then we were discussing the importance of reading scripture out loud and how it's not just about hearing it but about breaking things in the spiritual realm.

And probably the most fun was his time with us on the pitch. Wonqa is the leader for a YWAM base up north in Australia where they do a lot of outreach with Rugby, so he took us a few days and taught us the wonderful game and you could just sense it was more than a sport for him. He loved it, but he loved sharing Jesus through it. and i know some people may be thinking, that's a weird sport to be sharing Jesus through, as it involves a lot of, um, well....aggression, broken bones sometimes....:) but his stories were encouraging, just how they have been able to impact a lot of young boy's who come out to play against them. Nothing is impossible for our Father-even a rough sport like Rugby can show His love. I love that! God cannot be put in a box!

and the sport was awesome-I had been thinking about playing in a league this fall in lancaster and now am really excited to find a team now that I actually know the crazy rules.

And beyond rugby, we've had the chance to learn Australian Football and Cricket with some little kids we met in the park. and in a few weeks we'll be running some sports clinics for the community-so God has definitely been working through the love of sport and I'm excited to see how he will use it this week.

God's humor

I find it funny sometimes how God works. Last week I was working on lyaing down pride issues from finding my identity in "things". And then this week I was humbled-over and over. I hurt my quad real bad at the beginning of the week and continued to try and play some sports on it (bad idea)_and then on wed night, I opted to ploay goalie forour soccer team since I could not run. God knew what HE was doing... it was the most humliating game ever-playing this highly skilled middle eastern team who squashed us 6-3. they scored in the first minute-right through my legs and continued to score goals that I should have been able to stop--and as each goal went in, i found myself feeling less and less confident in who I was and more and more frustrated that I could not play and show them that I was indeed an actual soccer player. and i just had to laugh afterward at the irony of what i wanted to work on last week. God defintely has given me oppurtunities to practice laying it down, and for that I am grateful. And it was also one of those weeks where satan felt the desire to attack other identity issues and I felt myself continually comparing myself to the other girls etc. but God challenged me to turn those thoughts into prayers of blessing upon the girl that I may have been jealous of, to lift them up and see them how God sees them. And it was awesome to feel the change in heart, to be free to love them and free to be confident in who God wants me to be.

I was reminded again of the picture that God gave me during the 1st week of the white dress and heard him urging me yet again-reach out and embrace your beauty fully. don't cling to what you think is wrong with your design or personality or what not. I cannot add anythign to the dress-It is made perfect by my maker, by my father for me. ... So I am thankful for God's grace in yet again showing me my worth in His eyes.

Lordship

The weeks here are flying by, yet also moving in slow motion. It feels like so long ago that we had our last speaker, and yet it was only a few days and that week was jam packed with lots of intensity and seemed to go by quickly. I've been challenged to really embrace living in the "now" and not looking into past or future because each day holds so much oppurtunity.

last week's speaker was an energetic, passionate kiwi from NZ and spoke boldly all week long on making Jesus our LORD, not just savior. I was really looking foward to the week. Everyone on base was warning us that Mark was a challenger and would get us out of our comfort zone, but I was excited about it all. One thing I have learned thus far is to put yourself out of your comfort zone-life is more fun when you just go for it! So i started the week with open arms and ended the week with open arms-now the hard part is living out what was talked about. ...which basically boiled down to-have you put yourself on the altar for God to use you how He would like? Or are we holding onto rights (that aren't really ours in the first place)?

The whole week led up to a 12 hour worship/repentance/celebration day on saturday which was an amazing expeirence for all. Our classroom was transformed into a symbolic version of the OT Tabernacle and we went through the different stages (praise/acknowledging who God is, repenting/looking to cross, anointing, commuion, celebration in "holy of holies"...). it took a few hours to get hearts humbled and softened enough for the Holy Spirit to work. We had talked a lot about the "fear of man" and how it traps us from truly living out God's call on our lives, so we had to work out some "fear of man" issues, but God certainly did move. I will never forgot watching my fellow brothers weep and pour out their hearts-it was an awesome picture of boys becoming Men who truly wanted to pursue God with all of their hearts.

The repentance stage was also a moving time as people got a lot of baggage off of their chest. For me, it was a time to offer some burnt sacrifices and consecrate my future dreams and aspirations to God. We were asked to bring some symbols to "lay down", so I brought my soccer cleats and passport. I believe God wants to use my passion for sport but I don't want my idea of what that looks like to block HIS. and similarily, I don't want to put boundaries on where I will go and serve, so He holds my passport! And even I still feel like I'm looking through a muddy glass, I'm pressing on with faith that He will continue to reveal little bits of His desire for my life.

The day then ended in some awesome celebration-and even though it was a long day, I never really felt like I was trapped by time. We were in the presence of God and there was really nothing else we wanted to be doing.
so it was an awesome intense week, but now the challenge starts. I don't want that to be just a 24 hour "experience" for me or my team. Mountain-tops are great, but we are not meant to sit on them and living out your Christian walk is not about emotions or "feeling" something. It's about obedience to God in the mundane and extraordinary. A lot of people had a new experience with God, but I don't want to be ruled by emotions, I want to continue pursuing His presence every day....

so please pray that my group and I will not just sit on the mountaintop. That we would be ready to live out a life on God's altar. it is easy to say you put yourself up there, but it's not alwasy easy to stay up there.

sorry that was a long blog-but a lot happened in one week-i could have shared so much more. but I'm off to our sports' practice. Got the chance to teach the aussie's and europeans some ultimate frisbee-catching on pretty quick :)

other prayer requests:
hurt quad-it's been bugging me all week, afraid i have a strain
unity in team-it's been frustrating trying to get people on the same page in our room

Seek HIM!!!!!!