Friday, February 26, 2010

God's humor

I find it funny sometimes how God works. Last week I was working on lyaing down pride issues from finding my identity in "things". And then this week I was humbled-over and over. I hurt my quad real bad at the beginning of the week and continued to try and play some sports on it (bad idea)_and then on wed night, I opted to ploay goalie forour soccer team since I could not run. God knew what HE was doing... it was the most humliating game ever-playing this highly skilled middle eastern team who squashed us 6-3. they scored in the first minute-right through my legs and continued to score goals that I should have been able to stop--and as each goal went in, i found myself feeling less and less confident in who I was and more and more frustrated that I could not play and show them that I was indeed an actual soccer player. and i just had to laugh afterward at the irony of what i wanted to work on last week. God defintely has given me oppurtunities to practice laying it down, and for that I am grateful. And it was also one of those weeks where satan felt the desire to attack other identity issues and I felt myself continually comparing myself to the other girls etc. but God challenged me to turn those thoughts into prayers of blessing upon the girl that I may have been jealous of, to lift them up and see them how God sees them. And it was awesome to feel the change in heart, to be free to love them and free to be confident in who God wants me to be.

I was reminded again of the picture that God gave me during the 1st week of the white dress and heard him urging me yet again-reach out and embrace your beauty fully. don't cling to what you think is wrong with your design or personality or what not. I cannot add anythign to the dress-It is made perfect by my maker, by my father for me. ... So I am thankful for God's grace in yet again showing me my worth in His eyes.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


The weeks here are flying by, yet also moving in slow motion. It feels like so long ago that we had our last speaker, and yet it was only a few days and that week was jam packed with lots of intensity and seemed to go by quickly. I've been challenged to really embrace living in the "now" and not looking into past or future because each day holds so much oppurtunity.

last week's speaker was an energetic, passionate kiwi from NZ and spoke boldly all week long on making Jesus our LORD, not just savior. I was really looking foward to the week. Everyone on base was warning us that Mark was a challenger and would get us out of our comfort zone, but I was excited about it all. One thing I have learned thus far is to put yourself out of your comfort zone-life is more fun when you just go for it! So i started the week with open arms and ended the week with open arms-now the hard part is living out what was talked about. ...which basically boiled down to-have you put yourself on the altar for God to use you how He would like? Or are we holding onto rights (that aren't really ours in the first place)?

The whole week led up to a 12 hour worship/repentance/celebration day on saturday which was an amazing expeirence for all. Our classroom was transformed into a symbolic version of the OT Tabernacle and we went through the different stages (praise/acknowledging who God is, repenting/looking to cross, anointing, commuion, celebration in "holy of holies"...). it took a few hours to get hearts humbled and softened enough for the Holy Spirit to work. We had talked a lot about the "fear of man" and how it traps us from truly living out God's call on our lives, so we had to work out some "fear of man" issues, but God certainly did move. I will never forgot watching my fellow brothers weep and pour out their hearts-it was an awesome picture of boys becoming Men who truly wanted to pursue God with all of their hearts.

The repentance stage was also a moving time as people got a lot of baggage off of their chest. For me, it was a time to offer some burnt sacrifices and consecrate my future dreams and aspirations to God. We were asked to bring some symbols to "lay down", so I brought my soccer cleats and passport. I believe God wants to use my passion for sport but I don't want my idea of what that looks like to block HIS. and similarily, I don't want to put boundaries on where I will go and serve, so He holds my passport! And even I still feel like I'm looking through a muddy glass, I'm pressing on with faith that He will continue to reveal little bits of His desire for my life.

The day then ended in some awesome celebration-and even though it was a long day, I never really felt like I was trapped by time. We were in the presence of God and there was really nothing else we wanted to be doing.
so it was an awesome intense week, but now the challenge starts. I don't want that to be just a 24 hour "experience" for me or my team. Mountain-tops are great, but we are not meant to sit on them and living out your Christian walk is not about emotions or "feeling" something. It's about obedience to God in the mundane and extraordinary. A lot of people had a new experience with God, but I don't want to be ruled by emotions, I want to continue pursuing His presence every day....

so please pray that my group and I will not just sit on the mountaintop. That we would be ready to live out a life on God's altar. it is easy to say you put yourself up there, but it's not alwasy easy to stay up there.

sorry that was a long blog-but a lot happened in one week-i could have shared so much more. but I'm off to our sports' practice. Got the chance to teach the aussie's and europeans some ultimate frisbee-catching on pretty quick :)

other prayer requests:
hurt quad-it's been bugging me all week, afraid i have a strain
unity in team-it's been frustrating trying to get people on the same page in our room

Seek HIM!!!!!!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

freedoms and challenges

What do we choose to do with the \freedoms God gives to us? \i have had a very freeing week. we talked about the nature and characger of God and how our minds were not meant to reason our way to God. If we try and completely reason our way, we are saying our minds are bigger than God and it just hit me how much \i have been trying to live by reason rather than faith. But
God chooses to reveal HImself to us and HIS timing is perfect, not mine. I feel I am alwasy trying to "do" all the time, but God is the one who reveals himself to me-i can rest in that peace that He will reveal himself to me when I am ready.....

But in this freedom, I have realy felt God asking me, what are you going to do with it? live for yourself, or live to bring freedom for others so i have been challenged to seek out relationships with the girls on my team. \i have received countless words of knowledge or wisdom from staff about my ability to be a leader and encourage those around me, and \i believe God is asking me to step out and just pour out my life to others around me/ I would be lying if i didn't say i was apprehensive. I feel that if i continaully am pouring into others, i will feel drained, but a still small voice wispered
"Trust-I want to show you so much-i will be your spring of living water, if you just trust and step out in faith, i will fill you in a way you have never experienced..."

So i'm praying for the strength to step out in faith-to continually seek to bring hope to those around me-go out of my way to encourage and spend time with people who may be hurting....

Friday, February 12, 2010

thumbs up

thumb's up for:

eating kangaroo

tim tim slams in peppermint tea=chocolate all over my face

playing rugby w/ clueless foreginers

learning auusie rules-and stinking at it :)

getting called "mate" everyother second


Monday, February 8, 2010

embracing life

it is hard to believe i have only been here for a week. it has been one beautiful day after another in so many ways. My trip started off a little hazy as there were some nervous parts of my flight experiences with delays and what not, but 30 some hours later I arrived tired but excited. We spent the first few days getting to know one another and learning about YWAM and our particular base.

I'm really excited for our group as there are only 17 students and 6 staff, so we have the wonderful oppurtunity to really come alongside each other and get to know each other in a powerful way. as i told some people before leaving, i was a little afraid about the age gap with students being younger and all, but God has just showed me how much we really can learn from one another. I know we are all hand-picked for this purpose and God is just already using us to speak truth into each other's lives. Just a quick story of some cool things God has already been doing.....

this past weekend, we drove out to the "bush" (country) and had the chance to stay a t afriends house in the beautiful countryside (saw kangaroos, ate kangaroo :) and had such a great time talking and learning about hearing God's voice. And during one session we were asked to think about how God views us. And for those of you who know me well, I tend to be a perfectionist and am usually really hard on myself; and as I was praying and refelcting, God showed me this picture of a girl in a beautiful white dress and really just spoke to my heart and asked me to stop holding on to my rags-my deficiencies that I tend to dwell on, b/c He wants to give me this dress. it was so so freeing!!!! and even cooler, one of the leaders shared with me that she too saw God handing me this dress and just how HE desires to build me up to be an example and an encouragment to other girls.....

so I was really encouraged and excited about this revelation and about an hour later, God gave me such a chance to minister to some girls on my trip. We were spending some time praying for one another and I shared with the group that I felt the need to pray for someone dealing with suicide and hoplessless and it turned out 2 of the girls on my team had been thinking about it before this trip. So I was able to pray with them and share some of my own personal journey with depression and just felt so blessed and encouraged by GOd to be used in such a way. it was totally HIM that brought about the oppurtunity and He just continued to blow my mind throughout the weekend with how HE chooses to move in people's lives.

We now have entered into our first week of lectures and the normal schedule, so just continue to keep us in your prayers as people still are having trouble with homesickness etc. it has been cool to see people starting to come out of their shell, but I know more will happen....

and as for me-I ask that you just pray for my heart to be undivided for the LORD. I'm loving the chance to play sports every day, having fun living in this beautiful community with awesome people, but I don't want God's blessings to become a distraction. God is awesome and has given me so much to be thankful for here and so much just to enjoy from HIM, but I want HIM to remain the center and KING of my heart!