Sunday, May 9, 2010

holy spirit week

Thumbs up:

Got to hear from a guy who helped pioneer the YWAM base in Melbourne where I am living. Had some cool ministry times with him, praying for us and really encouraging us in our individual journeys.

Thumbs down:

Realized I was living in fear of having dreams and goals for the future. I had spent the week really praying about some things I felt God had placed on my heart for the future but in the end was still not really finding any clarity about any of it. And oddly enough, a friend approached me the next week asking if we could sit down and talk because he felt like God really just wanted him to encourage me with something. So through our conversation, he began asking about what my dreams and aspirations were for the future, and more I thought about it, the more I began to realize I was not fully trusting God with my future- at all!. It hit me that I wasn’t allowing myself to dream about anything because I have a fear that whatever I dream about or desire, God will want to snatch away from me, because if it is what ‘I want‘, than it must not be what ‘He wants‘.

I’m not quite sure why I have had this skewed view of God as an angry dad wanting to take away all toys and forms of pleasure for His children-but I understand a little bit more why learning about the Father HEART of God has been such a process and journey for me through this DTS. I want to know and experience the Fathers love like it truly is-not live in fear of what I think it to be. I have been saying it with my mouth, but still not truly believing it with my heart that our God is a good God, a loving father who wants to work with His children. So the week was good but humbling and gave me a good, tear-wrenching heart check! But, I’m thankful that God is a God of Love & Mercy and doesn’t’ give up on us when we don’t quite believe in His goodness.

And moreover, I’m so thankful that my friend was obedient to stepping out in faith and approaching me about it all. He had no idea why God told him to talk to me-but he did it anyways, and for that I am truly grateful and also encouraged to live a life of faith more often. you never know what life you can impact if you obey God’s leading.

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